The 12 Days of Christmas

(A Satirical Observation)

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me A partridge in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven pipers piping,
ten lords a-leaping,
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
eleven pipers piping,
ten lords a-leaping,
nine ladies dancing,
eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

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You might prefer the "Redneck" version of "The 12 Days of Christmas"

The Twelve Redneck Days Of Christmas


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In the Western Church, the 12 Days of Christmas are the twelve days beginning on December
25
, and extending through January 5 (the Twelfth Night). Epiphany begins on January 6, and is recognized 
as the day the three Magi, or Wise Men arrived to present their gifts to the Baby Jesus. Their gifts, of
course, were Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh. There were, according to traditional accounts, no partridges, 
turtledoves, French Hens, calling birds, etc., as is mentioned in the song. However, according to the movie, 
there was one Little Drummer Boy (which is just what Mary and Joseph needed – loud banging while their 
Newborn is trying to sleep).

Why Excess is NOT Always Good

Below is a 12 Days of Christmas Equity Chart, which offers some interesting observations. According to the 

nature of the song, each day is cumulative. Since you receive a new gift plus the previous days’ gift for each of 

the twelve days, by the last (twelfth) day, your “True Love” will have burdened you with 184 birds 

(12 Partridges, 22 Turtledoves, 30 French Hens, 36 Calling Birds, 42 Geese and 42 Swans), 40 Golden Rings,

and 140 people of various sorts (40 Maids, 36 Ladies, 30 Lords, 22 Pipers and 12 Drummers), for a total of 

364 “gifts.” Your “True Love” (A Millionaire!) is cruising the Mediterranean while you’re stuck at “Green Acres.”

 

Obviously there will be no more pears, because they will be eaten by the partridges. There will be no more rest 

with the turtledoves cooing, the birds calling, the pipers piping, and the drummers drumming. The maids will need 

cows to milk, and the geese will keep “a-laying,” which will require a substantial investment in livestock, initiating 

a sell-off of the 40 Golden Rings. There will be no more fun down at the “swimming hole,” due to it being occupied 

by 42 swans. On the bright side, with the 30 Lords a-leaping and the 36 Ladies dancing, you could open a nightclub, 

recoup your losses and sell it to some foreign investor, providing the local zoning ordinances allow for such an 

establishment to be constructed in the first place. You’d be better off to refuse all the “gifts,” or to marry * your 

“True Love” and let him/her finance the whole show (which almost certainly assures that the two of you will be appearing

on the “Jerry Springer Show” in the near future). Or…you can simply move to Hooterville, celebrate December 25

as the only Christmas Day, and get some much-needed rest when it’s all over.

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Day 1

1

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

Daily Equity Gain

 

1

 

 

“Gifts” Now in Your Possession

 

1

Day 2

1

2

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

3

 

4

Day 3

1

2

3

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

6

 

10

Day 4

1

2

3

4

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

10

 

20

Day 5

1

2

3

4

5

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

15

 

35

Day 6

1

2

3

4

5

6

0

0

0

0

0

0

21

 

56

Day 7

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

0

0

0

0

0

28

 

84

Day 8

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

0

0

0

0

36

 

120

Day 9

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

0

0

0

45

 

165

Day 10

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

0

0

55

 

220

Day 11

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

0

66

 

286

Day 12

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

78

 

364

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

Total

 

12

22

30

36

40

42

42

40

36

30

22

12

364

364

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Partridge in a Pear Tree

Turtledoves

French Hens

Calling Birds

Golden Rings

Geese a-Laying

Swans a-Swimming

Maids a-Milking

Ladies Dancing

Lords a-Leaping

Pipers Piping

Drummers Drumming

All

 

 

All

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chart by Cody and Ron Collins, December, 2002.

 

 

                   * NOTE: Since there are 365 days in the year, and there are 364 gifts given throughout the 12 Days of Christmas, 

                     there are enough gifts to play/enjoy/eat for every day except ONE. On that ONE day, I strongly suggest that you 

                        have the wedding mentioned in the paragraph above. It might be the only time you ever see him/her because of 

                                                                           all of the ruckus at your cozy little farm.